Questions answered

A picture of wee Geordie ... but who could that be in the background?

Well he's a very well known Disney character; Geordie fell in love with him; and he's got a penchant for crocodiles ... but no more clues.

I spent two hours last night filling out Waterstones' author questionnaire - with about 20 probing questions which try to find out what it is that makes me tick.

A lot of these questions had never, ever occurred to me before. Took some time to mull over. "What book would you never have on your book-shelves?"

Very nasty question - had to think on it for some time. Before - obviously - ducking it altogether. As yet, I can't imagine a single book, not even Katie Price's puke-inducing "Crystal", which I would not have on my shelves.

Next interesting question: "Which fictional character would you most like to meet?" Spent ages on this one. Maybe Raffles; or Flashman; or Sherlock Holmes; or Rumpole (heroic boozer); or Hornblower (bit starchy though).

But in the end I plumped for the one of the biggest knaves of them all: Old Etonian, all-round cad and bounder, Captain James Hook.

One last thought-provoking question: "What book would you give to a friend?" Well it all depends on the friend, doesn't it?

I recently gave Maguire a book, "Countryman's Cooking" by W.Fowler - over 50 years old and utterly hilarious. You particularly want to check out his sublime recipe for cooking a cormorant.

But would I give Fowler's chirpy cook-book to my wife - or indeed to any woman? Inadvisable ... not to mention dangerous ...